How to be happy and deal with unfriendly projections
By Jacquelene Close Moore
Most people in friendships and relationships at some point have to deal with projections head on.
At first when you meet someone there is a projection, a filter through which you see the person. Often at first in the euphoric 'honeymoon period', you see the person's 'good' traits. At that point people often build up the rose coloured glasses view of their new connection. "Their wonderful!"
The second stage of any friendship or relationship enters the denegration period "Their horrible" it's the spot where suddenly you can see the other person's faults, and suddenly, as if never before, there's a whole heap of them aren't there?
This is where you see lots of divorces, friends busting up, and so on.
It's the third and final stage, the integration stage, where - if you got past stage two without walking, and you are still hanging in there - you reach "Oh, well I love this about them, I don’t like that about them, and I accept them as they truly are. I can see that they raise this in me, and I raise that in them, but overall, we are cool. I love them with their good and their not so fantastic parts, I love the whole person." More often than not, however people stop at the denegration stage, where the person's own projections about their own shadow come out screaming.
Sometimes literally...
At first when you meet someone there is a projection, a filter through which you see the person. Often at first in the euphoric 'honeymoon period', you see the person's 'good' traits. At that point people often build up the rose coloured glasses view of their new connection. "Their wonderful!"
The second stage of any friendship or relationship enters the denegration period "Their horrible" it's the spot where suddenly you can see the other person's faults, and suddenly, as if never before, there's a whole heap of them aren't there?
This is where you see lots of divorces, friends busting up, and so on.
It's the third and final stage, the integration stage, where - if you got past stage two without walking, and you are still hanging in there - you reach "Oh, well I love this about them, I don’t like that about them, and I accept them as they truly are. I can see that they raise this in me, and I raise that in them, but overall, we are cool. I love them with their good and their not so fantastic parts, I love the whole person." More often than not, however people stop at the denegration stage, where the person's own projections about their own shadow come out screaming.
Sometimes literally...
In those cases you can be standing and listening and wondering who they are trying to convince more about what they are saying 'you or them.'
So I thought about this topic and was drawn to a conversation I heard once where the Dalai Lama was asked what the meaning of life was and he responded “To be happy and useful.”
Some energy exchanges between people are hardly happy and useful, and some are just plain detrimental.
This is where you need to be able to define yourself and your choices, views, life and energy from other people's.
So I thought about this topic and was drawn to a conversation I heard once where the Dalai Lama was asked what the meaning of life was and he responded “To be happy and useful.”
Some energy exchanges between people are hardly happy and useful, and some are just plain detrimental.
This is where you need to be able to define yourself and your choices, views, life and energy from other people's.
Do you see an older woman or a young woman?
A lighter anecdote I draw from once going to an older psychic at a market we both worked at near the beach years ago.
I was aware that as a psychic I was best to simply open myself to allowing them to read me, boots and all.
So I sat willing to hear whatever they had to say. Yet was perplexed most of the way through the session, and gently let them know what parts of what they said that I simply couldn’t relate to.
The focus of their short reading for me was that I liked living in freezing cold environments, that I smoked too many cigarettes, that I would move to country NSW, just over the border, and would be happy but penniless.
Perplexed, I answered that I would prefer to live in a tropical environment, I gave up smoking a long time ago and was only ever a packet a week, I had just moved to the outskirts of Melbourne, and that I was now committed to that location by way of a mortgage.
I left the reading thinking it was her she had read for that day, and that I had paid her to tell me what would happen to her. I let all that slip back to the recesses of my mind, moving on, doing other things.
18 months later, a friend of my husband told me about her chain smoking psychic friend, who had been hospitalised for her smoking and had to give up, and happened to be the same older lady I saw at that market all that time ago. This same psychic had moved to country NSW, just over the border, and was extremely happy but completely penniless and unable to sustain an income.
Being a human mirror can make it hard when you just want a reading. There are some psychics I will exchange readings with and who I trust, finding them to be accurate. However, I primarily ask my guides, listen closely both to own impressions and the very innocent unsolicited one sentence statements in general conversations you find yourself having with strangers. When the same basic message comes to you more than once and by more than just one circumstance or vehicle, it is hitting a spot that needs attention. But even with that you cannot let it become your only source of inspiration and focus, there is after all a lot to be said for as one person wisely put it, ‘common sense, independence and initiative.’
I was aware that as a psychic I was best to simply open myself to allowing them to read me, boots and all.
So I sat willing to hear whatever they had to say. Yet was perplexed most of the way through the session, and gently let them know what parts of what they said that I simply couldn’t relate to.
The focus of their short reading for me was that I liked living in freezing cold environments, that I smoked too many cigarettes, that I would move to country NSW, just over the border, and would be happy but penniless.
Perplexed, I answered that I would prefer to live in a tropical environment, I gave up smoking a long time ago and was only ever a packet a week, I had just moved to the outskirts of Melbourne, and that I was now committed to that location by way of a mortgage.
I left the reading thinking it was her she had read for that day, and that I had paid her to tell me what would happen to her. I let all that slip back to the recesses of my mind, moving on, doing other things.
18 months later, a friend of my husband told me about her chain smoking psychic friend, who had been hospitalised for her smoking and had to give up, and happened to be the same older lady I saw at that market all that time ago. This same psychic had moved to country NSW, just over the border, and was extremely happy but completely penniless and unable to sustain an income.
Being a human mirror can make it hard when you just want a reading. There are some psychics I will exchange readings with and who I trust, finding them to be accurate. However, I primarily ask my guides, listen closely both to own impressions and the very innocent unsolicited one sentence statements in general conversations you find yourself having with strangers. When the same basic message comes to you more than once and by more than just one circumstance or vehicle, it is hitting a spot that needs attention. But even with that you cannot let it become your only source of inspiration and focus, there is after all a lot to be said for as one person wisely put it, ‘common sense, independence and initiative.’
In life, the best place by far to put your energy is into your life, the lives of your family, and those in your community who matter to you. When people seek to override your authority, meddle in your affairs, or be in charge or somehow take advantage, avoid trying to understand their actions. After all you cannot expect to rationalise the irrational people, they will simply do what they will. Your choice is to know who you are and move with that.
When you know yourself you know the difference between someone who is saying something that is about you and you should take note for self improvement, as against it instead only being an aggressive projection of statements the speaker is trying to deny about themselves by seeking to place these feelings with you.
When you know yourself you know the difference between someone who is saying something that is about you and you should take note for self improvement, as against it instead only being an aggressive projection of statements the speaker is trying to deny about themselves by seeking to place these feelings with you.
When someone projects their own anger or frustration about where they are at in life onto you, that doesn't mean you need to take it on board. No matter how sensitive your energy is, remember you have free will and the right to be happy too. Some people simply don't like being reminded that others are happy or can have success, or the work that is required to make success. They instead spend way too much time thinking about others instead of doing something for themselves.
When you look into the mirror, beware, it looks back at you.
When you look into the mirror, beware, it looks back at you.
Often people mistakenly blame the mirror for the reflection, when it is their own image that has appeared in it, a bit too shocking to admit to. Rather than admit to the reflection, often people will seek to shatter the mirror.
If you find your thoughts go too much toward a person who is not in your life, stop and think about how this is contributing to your success. That thought should last only a very short time, as it can’t be contributing much except to excuses. Now, put your mind toward what of your own that you have either to start or finish. Chances are you have become distracted from your own life and work. You've left behind something of key importance you promised yourself that you would do...and now you are reminded to go and get it done.
If you find your thoughts go too much toward a person who is not in your life, stop and think about how this is contributing to your success. That thought should last only a very short time, as it can’t be contributing much except to excuses. Now, put your mind toward what of your own that you have either to start or finish. Chances are you have become distracted from your own life and work. You've left behind something of key importance you promised yourself that you would do...and now you are reminded to go and get it done.
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You see the difference between success and failure is down to one word “focus.”
Be very careful what and whom you focus upon because what you focus upon you become, and becomes around you. If you spend too much time and focus on another, then you have neglected people or projects that would bring great happiness, fulfilment, or success as relevant to the different areas of your life. |
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If you find yourself greatly annoyed by another, contemplate that quality and see how it fits within how you are treating yourself, or others.
You cannot truly hate or love something about another without having that same quality within yourself. If you feel they should answer to you, ask yourself who should be answering to whom.
And remember that just sometimes people will attack you not because of what you are doing or not doing, but sometimes what they cannot accept about themselves. Sometimes it’s just a mirror.
An example in action:-
Obsessing about other people’s lives does have a detrimental effect on peoples own finances. I remember once being told by a very rich business man that if I wanted to be successful I should surround myself with successful people, and that you couldn’t get rich hating rich people, which seemed perfectly logical to me.
At that time I knew someone who worked for extremely wealthy people, and would often work day in day out, week in week inside very expensive houses. This person complained biliously and relentlessly about how rich their clients were and all the things their clients had. This person earned quite a good income from these people, which if spent and saved wisely, would have more than covered their longing for their own home. Yet that person was renting and still is twenty years later, last time I heard still consistently complaining about the wealth and happiness that they feel other people have much more of.
Because their entire energy all day long was spent in constant complaint about what others have or were, and not themselves being willing to start at the bottom with something, and work their own way up towards something more, they have instead missed out on a simple observation that would have changed their life.
You are what you put your thoughts toward.
If the same person had instead put what deposit they could have twenty years ago on some small apartment or unit in any given suburb at the time, they would have paid about $50,000 - $80,000 back then. By now - with no further work done on that one property - it would value at around $200,000 - $300,000 now.
Had they paid that place out asap, while also buying other investments off the back of the first property, rather than going out on a limb financially, I am sure they would be living in comparatively luxurious housing with similar wealth to the people they were complaining about all that time ago. The biggest thing that person will never know is that chances are that had they asked the various clients they had at the time “how (they) could become wealthy and have a home like this one” the owners of the homes would probably have given them this same analogy and some of them might even said that was how they got to where they are, by starting somewhere, anywhere.
Even if they hadn’t bought a property and used some other investment strategy they still could have piled their money away and been far ahead of where they are now. Instead, they have sat there, along with many others and instead thought too much about what others ‘have’ and how other people ‘live’ and allowed this type of thinking to consume their very existence, rather than getting out and living their own dream.
Imagine if in this one example the person whining about what others ‘have’ chose to both invest in their own future and also donated just 5% of their earnings to help communities in third world countries to sink wells for clean drinking water, and projects to help communities grow their own food again and create an income for themselves, just how many people’s lives this person could permanently change, and how much more meaning and fulfilment in life they themselves would feel.
If you take on board what the average weekly salary of the average westerner is and then take on board how much it takes to contribute to such mentioned community projects in third world countries, a lot can be done if for just the price of one coffee a day. And this is just one example of the cost of projecting your choices in life onto others.
Obsessing about other people’s lives does have a detrimental effect on peoples own finances. I remember once being told by a very rich business man that if I wanted to be successful I should surround myself with successful people, and that you couldn’t get rich hating rich people, which seemed perfectly logical to me.
At that time I knew someone who worked for extremely wealthy people, and would often work day in day out, week in week inside very expensive houses. This person complained biliously and relentlessly about how rich their clients were and all the things their clients had. This person earned quite a good income from these people, which if spent and saved wisely, would have more than covered their longing for their own home. Yet that person was renting and still is twenty years later, last time I heard still consistently complaining about the wealth and happiness that they feel other people have much more of.
Because their entire energy all day long was spent in constant complaint about what others have or were, and not themselves being willing to start at the bottom with something, and work their own way up towards something more, they have instead missed out on a simple observation that would have changed their life.
You are what you put your thoughts toward.
If the same person had instead put what deposit they could have twenty years ago on some small apartment or unit in any given suburb at the time, they would have paid about $50,000 - $80,000 back then. By now - with no further work done on that one property - it would value at around $200,000 - $300,000 now.
Had they paid that place out asap, while also buying other investments off the back of the first property, rather than going out on a limb financially, I am sure they would be living in comparatively luxurious housing with similar wealth to the people they were complaining about all that time ago. The biggest thing that person will never know is that chances are that had they asked the various clients they had at the time “how (they) could become wealthy and have a home like this one” the owners of the homes would probably have given them this same analogy and some of them might even said that was how they got to where they are, by starting somewhere, anywhere.
Even if they hadn’t bought a property and used some other investment strategy they still could have piled their money away and been far ahead of where they are now. Instead, they have sat there, along with many others and instead thought too much about what others ‘have’ and how other people ‘live’ and allowed this type of thinking to consume their very existence, rather than getting out and living their own dream.
Imagine if in this one example the person whining about what others ‘have’ chose to both invest in their own future and also donated just 5% of their earnings to help communities in third world countries to sink wells for clean drinking water, and projects to help communities grow their own food again and create an income for themselves, just how many people’s lives this person could permanently change, and how much more meaning and fulfilment in life they themselves would feel.
If you take on board what the average weekly salary of the average westerner is and then take on board how much it takes to contribute to such mentioned community projects in third world countries, a lot can be done if for just the price of one coffee a day. And this is just one example of the cost of projecting your choices in life onto others.
Size matters not. You cannot compare the size of an apple or a bird against the size of a crocodile, they aren't the same species.
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When people who perpetually blame others for their own unhappiness, find themselves slowly but surely, sitting all alone, there is only one person left upon which responsibility must rest.
Spirituality was never meant to be a competition, I used to joke that the difference between spiritual/psychic envy and penis envy is that at least with the latter there was a clear way to settle the argument without any doubt. |
So to the same quandary about your advancement in life whether about money homes, spirituality, and in fact any area of life is - that once envy gets in the door - it’s pretty much all over.
In short, the more you focus on other people and their lives after all, the less you are focused on your own.
To be happy in life, be useful, work hard, be loving, and focus on what really matters. Then you will have the one thing that make you feel wealthy no matter what life throws at you, self love, self respect, and from that springs forth all the people, places, and things in your life that make it have meaning, and therefore all you could wish for and more.
You are enough just as you are...and if you don't feel you are, then perhaps you can do little things each day that become a cumulative force that creates big and powerful change.
Looking within requires honestly answering to yourself some pretty revealing questions, which results in knowing exactly who you are. This makes you prepared and completely unshakeable when others question or project their issues on you... because you have already answered who you are to yourself, so there is no need for questions about this from anyone else and no room left at all for doubt.
All that is left to do is rest any projections others send to you right back where they originated.
Come from love, be love, speak love, know love, and above all else, when some intention other than love comes your way remember, you can just send it (or them) out the exit door... with love right back to the loving source of all that is.
In short, the more you focus on other people and their lives after all, the less you are focused on your own.
To be happy in life, be useful, work hard, be loving, and focus on what really matters. Then you will have the one thing that make you feel wealthy no matter what life throws at you, self love, self respect, and from that springs forth all the people, places, and things in your life that make it have meaning, and therefore all you could wish for and more.
You are enough just as you are...and if you don't feel you are, then perhaps you can do little things each day that become a cumulative force that creates big and powerful change.
Looking within requires honestly answering to yourself some pretty revealing questions, which results in knowing exactly who you are. This makes you prepared and completely unshakeable when others question or project their issues on you... because you have already answered who you are to yourself, so there is no need for questions about this from anyone else and no room left at all for doubt.
All that is left to do is rest any projections others send to you right back where they originated.
Come from love, be love, speak love, know love, and above all else, when some intention other than love comes your way remember, you can just send it (or them) out the exit door... with love right back to the loving source of all that is.
After first writing and posting this article, I was asked how I dealt with people who deeply "pee me off."
I laughed about the associated projections as it was an article all about them, and answered.
I do think on people who mirror issues for me, I contemplate introspectively, and if it comes to be that the issue is more theirs and is more related to their irrational thinking, I come from compassion, even if initially irritated. Then I find a new focus and move on with that. People who are especially cruel to me I am thankful to, are after all they are the stuff of many articles and artworks I write and create. They become my muses of positive reflection, to help inspire others, the lead I have turned to gold, which is why often people these works help find the timing of my creations and how much of a common chord I strike a bit uncanny.
While confused people need our compassion and understanding, we need to also maintain our own self respect and boundaries.
We can help people who want and are ready for help, but not those who are not ready to help themselves.
If you help someone who is not helping themselves, you in affect remove their chance to grow, and in the end you not only will find them languishing back where you found them, but you could find them in a far worse delusion.
So helping must come second after insight. In first aid practice, you run through a series of steps when you come to help someone. The first step is to assess the danger involved in the situation, whether it is safe and how to appropriately come to the person’s aid so that only one person requires aid, and does not end up with two of you in trouble.
While we are all souls having a human experience, to have feelings is to be human, and we cannot deny our humanity. As humans we are responsible for ourselves, how we choose to deal with our feelings and our actions.
However, this said, we cannot be responsible for other people’s viewpoints and emotions. We can empathise with their feelings, understand where they are coming from, see it from their perspective and through their eyes, but we can send ourselves into a downward spiral if we allow their views about us and the world to become our focus.
I laughed about the associated projections as it was an article all about them, and answered.
I do think on people who mirror issues for me, I contemplate introspectively, and if it comes to be that the issue is more theirs and is more related to their irrational thinking, I come from compassion, even if initially irritated. Then I find a new focus and move on with that. People who are especially cruel to me I am thankful to, are after all they are the stuff of many articles and artworks I write and create. They become my muses of positive reflection, to help inspire others, the lead I have turned to gold, which is why often people these works help find the timing of my creations and how much of a common chord I strike a bit uncanny.
While confused people need our compassion and understanding, we need to also maintain our own self respect and boundaries.
We can help people who want and are ready for help, but not those who are not ready to help themselves.
If you help someone who is not helping themselves, you in affect remove their chance to grow, and in the end you not only will find them languishing back where you found them, but you could find them in a far worse delusion.
So helping must come second after insight. In first aid practice, you run through a series of steps when you come to help someone. The first step is to assess the danger involved in the situation, whether it is safe and how to appropriately come to the person’s aid so that only one person requires aid, and does not end up with two of you in trouble.
While we are all souls having a human experience, to have feelings is to be human, and we cannot deny our humanity. As humans we are responsible for ourselves, how we choose to deal with our feelings and our actions.
However, this said, we cannot be responsible for other people’s viewpoints and emotions. We can empathise with their feelings, understand where they are coming from, see it from their perspective and through their eyes, but we can send ourselves into a downward spiral if we allow their views about us and the world to become our focus.
Sometimes people will form resentments because they think you have more than them or they blame you for their lack of success, yet the responsibility for their views and outcomes rests with them. They have choices too, to transform or transmute experience or remain mentally enslaved, or even obsessed by it.
This is why two people for instance can grow up in similarly horrific conditions yet one becomes the psychopath and the other the criminal profiler who finds and captures them.
This is why two people for instance can grow up in similarly horrific conditions yet one becomes the psychopath and the other the criminal profiler who finds and captures them.
As an alchemist I believe in turning lead into gold, which means dross and gravity into wisdom and levity.
To example this, after originally writing and posting this article on my page, I walked into my Chinese Medicine Doctors office and without having said a word about how I was feeling medically, my new doctor (I've only seen a few times ), a rather wise and insightful, very experienced doctor said...
"You have lived through and found it in yourself to bounce back from health conditions that very few have to encounter at all in a lifetime, let alone at your age.
Most people, if faced with what you have would not recover at all let alone how well you have and to continue as you have living a full life, let alone turning that life into helping others, this is a testament to your inner strength..."
(I giggled on the inside, she didn't know the whole medical history yet, nor what other major challenges in my life I have overcome and bounced back from)... she continued...
"Often it is hard to be strong like this because in that strength, you become like a human mirror, and so when people look into you as they do, they see their own reflection, which is okay if they are as pure as you, but if not, if they are unwilling to acknowledge their own strength, they will attack what their reflection reveals... And being a human mirror it doesn't mean you don't have feelings, it's not your fault that you are the mirror, but they will attack you anyway, because they don’t like what they see in themselves...You should make an art piece today or some writing after this session, about that."
I giggled, and replied "thank you, I already have."
To example this, after originally writing and posting this article on my page, I walked into my Chinese Medicine Doctors office and without having said a word about how I was feeling medically, my new doctor (I've only seen a few times ), a rather wise and insightful, very experienced doctor said...
"You have lived through and found it in yourself to bounce back from health conditions that very few have to encounter at all in a lifetime, let alone at your age.
Most people, if faced with what you have would not recover at all let alone how well you have and to continue as you have living a full life, let alone turning that life into helping others, this is a testament to your inner strength..."
(I giggled on the inside, she didn't know the whole medical history yet, nor what other major challenges in my life I have overcome and bounced back from)... she continued...
"Often it is hard to be strong like this because in that strength, you become like a human mirror, and so when people look into you as they do, they see their own reflection, which is okay if they are as pure as you, but if not, if they are unwilling to acknowledge their own strength, they will attack what their reflection reveals... And being a human mirror it doesn't mean you don't have feelings, it's not your fault that you are the mirror, but they will attack you anyway, because they don’t like what they see in themselves...You should make an art piece today or some writing after this session, about that."
I giggled, and replied "thank you, I already have."
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